Dating Trends: Victorian Era to the Present
Calling card of Henrietta T. Morriss
The Victorian era lasted roughly from the 1800s until World War I. The prevailing courting and dating trends were those of the middle-class, which entailed men coming to the homes of their date while the parents chaperoned; women would play the piano, and the men would sit socialize with the parents (Bailey, 119). Since these dates took place in the homes of women, women and their parents had control over the interactions (Sears, 57-60).
Dating trends of the working classes occurred outside of the home and had less rigid rules for dating. Within the working class, men would take women out to restaurants, movies, and dances. Following gender norms at the time, men were expected to pay for dates (Sears, 57-60). In America, the 1920s were a time of wealth and working and upper classes had cars. The growth of the automobile changed Victorian era customs, allowing couples privacy and mobility.
Dating trends shifted in that the upper and middle classes started to copy the dating styles of the working class (Sears, 57-60). In order to go out on dates, men were expected to have cars. The usage of cars allowed privacy and mobility for the new trend of “going somewhere.” Ellen K. Rothman in her book Hands and Hearts: A History of Courtship in America discussed the change from home dates to going out, noting that the car helped to chane the dating landscape. During this shift, women started to expect their dates to take them out. When men called upon women at their houses, women would have their hats on expecting to go somewhere (Rothman, 203). Parents would react to these changes by being more attentive to behaviors that were still in their view. Men and women would press for great autonomy from their parents and often times clashed. Parents had to start trusting their children’s decisions (Rothman, 207-223).
Rothman basis her book on the experiences of people using their diaries, letters and autobiographies. One couple Rothman featured was Ina Smith and John Marean. Ina was eighteen and John was twenty-four. Their courtship patterns was that John called at Ina’s house on Sundays, and they would go out on either Friday or Saturday nights. To some form of entertainment, such as to a going to a casino with friends (Rothman, 204-205). Though this couple followed the norms of dating began to go out more with friends as time went on.
People dated at movies, dance halls, amusement parks such as Coney Island, and vaudeville shows. Before the 1900s, women who left the house could ruin their reputation because it was looked down upon to leave the house unless chaperoned because of Victorian ideas about morality. Young women were expected to not have sex before marriage. By the 1900s, women could leave home for dates and going out with friends because Victorian ideas were starting to be shed and going out was starting to be liberalized in society (Rothman 205).Though looking at Ina and John show the shift in dating trends, the trends can also be seen in the letters of another couple from Mahwah New Jersey.
Henrietta and Frank were dating from 1927 until 1931, it is possible they were dating longer, however, the only letters are written from 1927 to 1931. They would have been dating while these changes were taking place. In his letters, Young talked about some of the dates they went on. One was Young reading poetry to Henrietta. Young writes, “The suggestion that I read modern poetry to you is delightful. I accept but one condition that you do part of the reading” (Young, April 14, 1928). Other dates that Young suggested were going to the movies. He states, “I intend of course to see you Wed. evening at 7:15. This depends upon your wishes. If that movie is up by your place before or after this I can easily change the date on hearing from you” (Young, September 24, 1929). This letter was written in 1929, and reflected the freedom to be able to go out and see a movie instead of sitting at home. They also still had the options of staying in and doing things at home.
Young and Morriss’ courtship style was different from people who regularly saw the person they were dating. The letters of Morriss and Young were a form of courtship since they could not always be together because of school and work. He would send her letters describing his feelings for her, and that he was always thinking about her. Young would also send her accounts of his day at school or work. Some things Young wrote are, “It has been more than two hours that I mailed a letter to you. I feel that I am talking to you when I am writing” (Young, Nov. 12, 1929). And, “I am writing this in an respite that the boss gave me by going outside. I have not much time. However I thought that I would at least write a note to show that you were constantly on my mind” (Young, November 19, 1929). Though it seems that Young wrote the bulk of the letters, one of Henrietta’s letters survive, and in it she describes being able to see plays and go to exhibits while in school in New York (Morriss to Young, March 3, 1928). Young’s writing show that although he and Henrietta were often apart from each other during their relationship. The courtship was still able to flourish, and they were able to enjoy occasional dates in New York City.
Courtship has drastically changed from the Victorian era to today. The Victorian era set the stage for dating trends, and as technology came around, dating started to change. People have more freedom to go out and flirt more openly. There is online dating, and dating outside of heterosexual norms. Instead of letter writing when couples are far way such as with Henrietta and J Frank Young, couples have online resources available to them to communicate such as Skype and text messaging. Though dating trends have drastically changed and allow greater freedom, gender roles still persist, though they are not as stringent as they used to be.